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September 04, 2009


Laura Eno

How sad. Excellent story. The imagery is wonderful and you pulled us into the little girl's feelings very well.


Wonderful story - what a moment in time to capture, and done well. Thank you, I enjoyed it!

Shannon Esposito

Wow, as a Floridian, I love this line of description:
"thought the purple clouds in the distance streaming gray to the sea were magic, an invisible hand feeding the ocean a fairy dust that would conjure some kind of fantastic dream right before my eyes."

Captured perfectly. Your ability to wrench our hearts with this little girl's simple story is truly admirable. This is a magical piece!


So very descriptive and wonderfully written. My heart does break some for this girl... I can only imagine.

Chris Chartrand

Poor kid. I think this isn't the worst she has suffered under her mother's care. Very well written and paced nicely.

Pippa Hennessy

Poor Kari - she's showing all of the detachment you'd expect from a kid who's been treated this badly for all of her life. You've created her POV beautifully. And I love the title.

dan powell

A great slice of a girl's disappointing childhood. So much to like here. The p.o.v. is perfectly pitched, you get a real sense of the little girl she was and the woman she is now telling the story. The description of the action is well paced and the closing line is heartbreaking. Great stuff, Judy.


How sad, that was my first reaction. Then I began to wonder what else happened to her and where is she today? I guess that means that I'm drawn in.


Wonderful story with a great flow and pace. Definitely feel for the kid.


You did an absolutely stunning job of relaying a memory of an adult who, at some point, is still that little girl.

Some scars never go away. And I'm so in touch with that.

Excellent job. Thank you for sharing.

J. M. Strother

A good one, judy. A chance for redemption, lost. Instead Kari only has another hurt to add to her collection. You really play the emotions well in this piece.

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